***trigger warning*** discusses sextortion and how it actually happens****** and sexual themes***
Last week completely out of the blue I received this email from a Mum (de-identified and shared with approval). I was sitting at home in Florence preparing to fly Australia for a 6 weeks of speaking every week day and it stopped me in my tracks (currently in Armidale NSW where I start my soeaking tour tomorrow). I literally sobbed at my writing desk. I called "il mio compagno and sobbed to him. This is my why. Receiving these emails drives me.
The take away for this Mum (sent in another email) was about how he knew not to send photos or video.... but had not thought about a video call being screenshot in the very beginning of the process*
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From:<de-identified>
Date: <de-identified>
To: Kirra Pendergast <hello@safeonsocial.com>
Subject: Feedback and thank you
Hi
A big thank you from our family to you.
Today my teen son called me. He couldn’t go to footy training (standard phone call pre training!). But this time it was different.
He continued to tell me he couldn’t go. Something had happened and all the kids from school would be there and they all know. I was dubious. (This is a kid with a lot going on and lots of “excuses”). But I listened.
He continued on, telling me it was really terrible and he needed help and could I come home now please and help.
Of course I can but you’ll just need to give me a bit more info buddy..
And so it turns out, he’s the victim of sextortion.
Thanks to you and your ongoing education on this topic I could confidently say “it’s ok. I know exactly what we need to do”. It was the first time in a long time (ever?) that I actually knew how to handle a tricky child situation.
The situation:
The perpetrator send a friend request via Instagram. Yes, he knows not to accept any requests from people he doesn’t actually know in person. But he did it anyway.
They video called him shortly after and the conversation clearly escalated very quickly as the next minute he’s masturbating on that call. To his credit he “made sure my face wasn’t in the picture with other body parts” (thanks to his dad for that advice… good or otherwise….). But they had his face anyway form earlier in their video call.
Rapidly after the conclusion of the call the messages began. They had set up what looked like a real chat group with a number of his contacts added and added rapid fire messages threatening to share the video with all contacts and “upload it now”. Unless he paid $300.
My son recognised contact names in the group chat. He actually believed that chat was real and live. And screenshots show it looked that way. (One contact was a mum of his friend who I know. I called her to ask her to check for a random chat request/messages. Nothing). The messages said things like “here his Facebook profile” with a screenshot of it. “I ruin your life”. “I distroy you” (yes that spelling).
When I got home he had already reported to IG and blocked the sender, taken screenshots and closed his IG account.
I helped him reactivate it to get all details and ensure we had screenshots of everything. I could not see the message trail and had only one screenshot of it.
I then helped him report to eSafety commissioner. We also then reported to ACCCE. Within ten minutes the ACCCE had called him to check in and ensure he was OK and had told parents. They followed up with an email and resources. They also told him this was a large scale group operating out of Nigeria and that they’d received 1000’s of calls today about it. They reassured him he’d done exactly the right things.
Again, thank you, thank you, thank you. Because of you I knew what to do. Because of you we had chatted with our kids about this multiple times. Because of you and these chats, he knew not to pay. He knew to call me to ask for help. We “got this” together.
I also can’t underestimate how fixing this together and him being able to call me has helped our relationship to grow. He knows we’ve (as parents) got his back.
We are forever grateful.
Sincerely,
<de-identified>
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A massive shout out to the team at ACCCE Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation and eSafety Commissioner we mention your amazing work every single session from grade 3 all the way through to teachers and parents.
I am so infinitely proud of this Mum and her darling boy. Everything detail of this case is not uncommon and the fact that the Mum was calm and did not judge her son is what was the best thing she could have done. It was mid afternoon (late in evening Australian time) when I received this and I had just finished a webinar and starting the massive job of updating all of our presentations and services based on the time I spent here in Jan/April and what Madeleine West and our team learned working onsite with more than 70,000 young people K-12 during that time all over Australian and Hong Kong, their parents and Teachers. This is our evidence based work - straight from the mouths of 10's of thousands. It is emails like this one that drives my whole team to do more.
This is why up to date education matters and building trust based relationships with your children will always be the best line of defence.
Thank you to this awesome Mum for allowing me to share this to help others.
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